My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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