yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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