I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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