if you like me you must not know who I am
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
