I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
