I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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