i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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