Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
