New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
