Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
