She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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