I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
