If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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