my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
