this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
