Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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