She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
