there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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