I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
