Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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