And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
