At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
