she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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