That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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