some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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