I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
