Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
