I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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