so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
