white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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