woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
