you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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