i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
