Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
