battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
