Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
