We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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