Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
