took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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