I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
