Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
