Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
