All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
