Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
