Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
And then he peed in my hair
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
