No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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