Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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