I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm at about main and main street
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
