you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
