No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My vagina is officially offended.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
