put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Randomize
