umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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