so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
