Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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