It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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