I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
