So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
