When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
