Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
