I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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