...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
