i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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