Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
