I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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