I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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