i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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