You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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