Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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