I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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