I'm lost and stupid without you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
